


There Is Very Little Left of Me and It’s Never Coming Back

by DrawingsAndDreams



Category: Half-Life, Hunt Down The Freeman (Video Game)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Most of the editing and writing was done at three am, Nick stans get y’all juice, No Dialogue, Not Beta Read, as a challenge to me lol, basically just a fic where Nick actually takes care of the kids, how do i tag for this, thats it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-27
Updated: 2020-07-27
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:48:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25546183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DrawingsAndDreams/pseuds/DrawingsAndDreams
Summary: The author has brain worms, and decided on showing a little bit of what probably happened when Mitchell brought the two hundred kids onto the boat, leaving it all up to Nick to take care of them. Alternatively titled, “Mitchell Please Pay Your Child Support”.
Relationships: Mitchell Shephard/Adam(Hunt Down The Freeman), Mitchell Shephard/Adam(Hunt Down The Freeman)/Nick(Hunt Down The Freeman), Mitchell Shephard/Nick(Hunt Down The Freeman), Nick(Hunt Down The Freeman)/Adam(Hunt Down The Freeman)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13





	There Is Very Little Left of Me and It’s Never Coming Back

No matter how much he tried to block it out, Nick always seemed to be constantly aware of the bullshit that went on while they were stuck in the middle of the ocean.

Whether it be from Adam doing something like hanging from a part of the breaking ceiling in their quarters, to Mitchell giving his daily speeches on why they were all “dead men walking”. Those two made up a majority of the messes.

So when Mitchell went off on his own and got into more trouble than it was worth, was he supposed to be surprised?

It was all frankly a tad ridiculous in his own opinion. You got used to that kind of stuff after a year or two of enduring it. More often than not, he found himself becoming the “straight man” of the ship, no matter how misleading that term may be. However, he was considered more rational and reasonable compared to both Adam and Mitch by a long shot, something the other members of the crew seemed to agree on...

And yet Mitchell and Adam were still the ones mainly in charge. They made a majority of the decisions.

The whole ordeal kind of ticked him off a bit, but realistically what was he supposed to do? Everybody else on the ship was either too afraid that Adam would just throw them off for the hell of it, or that Mitch would go bonkers and get them killed. It was a lawless sea after all. There was just no way of winning against those two.

Thinking about it, what did that even make Nick? A third hand man? The terms for it at this point were outdated when it came to a world under Combine rule, so he didn’t bother using them. It wasn’t like anybody cared much about those terms these days either. They were too busy sailing and fighting against aliens to care.

Everything and everyone seemed to be stuck in time on the Avalon Vale, falling into their own rhythm and routine. It was always the same. Things would be normal until Adam fucked it up, Mitch went on a rant, and Nick had to smooth everything out afterwards. Along with a few aliens to spice things up. It was just a continuous cycle of bullshit and fuckery.

His hair was definitely starting to gray because of it.

Nick was forcing himself to start to get used to the new streaks by now, even if they were a reminder of the exhaustion he faced. No matter how many times he looked in the mirror, he never felt energized. At this point, he just looked like a husk sucked dry of life and joy.

He avoided looking at the mirror now. It was just a reminder about how much he had lost over the years.

Then Mitchell went out on his own mission again, and fucked up the order of everything.

He came back aboard one day from New Alaska with around two hundred kids in tow. And of course, it all fell down onto him to take care of and smooth out. Just like always.

Some things just never changed on the Avalon Vale, did they?

He had to admit though, when he first watched their captain walk aboard the ship with the kids, he felt sick to his stomach. Something about what Mitchell had done shocked him to his very core, and made him feel unnerved. It didn’t help when Mitchell just gave him and Adam that damn smile, even patting his shoulder for good measure.

And then he just walked away without a care in the world, back to his quarters. And Adam followed, just as expected.

Nick felt like hurling himself off of the edge of the Avalon Vale, in that moment.

He needed to go to his own quarters to sit and think about it all for a good, long while. So he turned away like a coward, abandoning his new task and those confused, scared children. Just so that he could sit down and think.

Sure, Mitch had saved those kids from the factory. That was generally a good deed, but Nick was still terrified about the implications of one particular thing.

Mitchell’s true intentions.

Out in this new world that the Combine had created, the crew aboard the Avalon Vale needed fighters to be used against various alien forces. To Nick’s ears, it sounded like Mitchell had rounded up these children to be exactly that one thing.

Child soldiers in a war they had no hope of winning. That’s who they were going to become. Fodder in a meaningless battle that they had already lost.

None of those children had a true chance of hope, and that was something Mitchell was probably fully aware of, if his speeches gave anything away about his mindset.

That fact might have been what broke him. Just a tad bit.

He spent the rest of the night in his room ugly sobbing, which was definitely embarrassing considering his track record of trying to seem accepting and somewhat stoic about everything.

Nick spent so much time trying to build that up, and accept the crazy irregularities that were surrounding him. Whether it be the way that Adam managed to tug at some kind of unknown fear in his heart, to the way that Mitchell‘s past tugged him down while the man refused to acknowledge it.

But this new factor seemed to have a detrimental effect on him. He couldn’t remember feeling this emotional since...well, maybe when he had accused Mitchell of being cursed. And being “emotional” was a bit of a stretch.

He still may as well be right about the curse part though...bloody hell.

Nick still remembered what it was like to see all of their commanding officers die right in front of his own two eyes, usually due to the Combine forces. Mitchell always just seemed to just...stand there, accepting it all when it happened. Sympathy never was an expression that frequented on Mitch’s face.

He knew that fate was a funny thing when it came to Mitchell. On one hand, the man looked like an absolute wreck with those scars that he never could seem to explain away. On the other hand...he was a very lucky man because of the curse that put them there. He watched Mitch rise to power in the span of only a few days at most. He became the leader of the Avalon Vale, putting everyone else in their place.

And now those children were getting dragged into that curse that trapped him here in the first place. Sure, it would take a while to properly train them before they fought against anything..but they’d witness all of the horrors of the new world eventually.

That’s why Nick had to make sure that he delayed that day as much as he possibly could. And even when they did have to face it?...

He’d teach them how to deal with it in a proper manner. He didn’t want another Adam or Mitchell to turn up on his hands because of his own negligence.

Nick felt the tears eventually dry on his face, letting out a sigh while curling up into his bed. Staring blankly at the wall, he felt his energy completely drain out of his body. Usually, he had better days than this one.

…The bed felt cold to be in alone, but he didn’t want to be with Mitchell and Adam right now. They wouldn’t get it, and if anything? They’d just make him feel even worse.

So he resolved himself to get some sleep, vowing to pick himself back up in the morning.

___________________________________________________________________________

He woke up at dawn, used to the feeling after it was ingrained in him by his years in the military. Nick could still feel the tear tracks that were left behind on his cheeks from last night, and tried his best to scrub them off. It was a casual reminder for himself to move on forward, and not regret the past.

Nick didn’t have the time to constantly cry about the lost years that those kids would have. It reminded him too much of his own situation, being stuck on the Avalon Vale like they were. And remembering those details wouldn’t help at all.

Nick was trying to make sure that the kids had the best time that they could on the Avalon Vale, and if he didn’t move onwards, that couldn’t become a reality.

He stormed out of his room with a newfound determination that he hadn’t felt in years after the mental pep talk. Even if he couldn’t look in the mirror to give himself that talk. But that was ok. He would work on that too.

When he stepped back out onto the deck, most of the children were dispersed in tiny groups, with Mitchell nowhere to be seen. Of course they were left directionless. Hopefully they weren’t getting into too much trouble while he was gone yesterday.

Oh god, did anyone show them where they were supposed to sleep last night?

There wasn’t much time to feel guilty about that, or throw himself another pity party because of it. Him sobbing in his room is what got him into this current mess in the first place. Alright...it couldn’t be too hard to make sure that some kids stayed out of trouble, right?

He glanced off to the left side of the deck and...he had almost forgotten about the hidden variable that was Adam.

There the man stood all of his glory by the railings. Nick thought that fact alone was fine, until he noticed the other was holding something in one of his hands off the edge. He could’ve sworn that his blood pressure dangerously spiked when he realized what...who exactly it was.

Adam, who seemed to lack any and all forms of common sense, was currently dangling one of the shrieking kids off of the edge of the Avalon Vale. Upside down and by his ankles, no less.

He really couldn’t catch a break.

After yelling at the deranged man loud enough that people residing in what used to be France could hear, and explaining in great detail why he couldn’t just dangle a kid off the edge of the railing, he finally seemed to understand.

Even if he still somehow felt like he was in the right for “just teaching the kid how to swim!”

Then Adam had hoisted the kid back over and onto the deck, still holding onto his one ankle. The bastard looked Nick dead in the eyes...and tried to drop the kid head first onto the floor.

Adam was extremely lucky that Nick had fast reflexes, or Mitchell’s dead man walking speech wasn’t going to just be a shitty metaphor.

Nick caught the kid as quickly as possible, and righted him back up again with only minimal difficulty, huffing about how Adam needed to be more responsible. The poor child looked absolutely scared out of his wits! Did Adam really think that was just a normal and casual thing to do to a kid??

Of course, the cheeky motherfucker opened his mouth to give a snarky answer, but wisely shut up when Nick shot him a glare that rivaled the sun’s.

He looked back tiredly at the kid and sighed, deciding that getting away from Adam was probably the number one priority. The second one was trying to figure out where the rest of the rascals that Mitch had brought aboard with him were. Sure, most of them were still in groups hanging out on the deck...but some were still unaccounted for.

Nick had better round them up soon before rations were passed out...some soldiers could be absolutely vicious when it came to protecting their own food.

Now, some kids were easy to get. Most of them seemed well behaved...even if it was kind of unnaturally so. Though it made sense in a weird way, what with the conditions they must’ve gone through in that factory...

Other kids proved to be...issues.

For example, one kid managed to find the boiler room, wedging himself firmly between the wall and said machine. It took him a while to try and find a way to safely get the kid out of there with minimal injuries.

Others had found weapons that the other idiots on board had left lying around, making it Nick’s job to snatch it out of their hands. A lot of the guns were still fully loaded, and to top it all off, usually the safety wasn’t on either. Great

Some of them even managed to find power tools that they were using to fix up cracks in the hull too! He wasn’t even sure how they got a hold of that...weren’t they supposed to be locked away when they weren’t fixing something up?

God it was troublesome. But...in a weirdly good way?

Nick felt quite keen as he watched the kids, well, just be kids. The situation was much more different than Adam’s and Mitchell’s usual bullshit, since it had its own curious charm to it. They seemed to genuinely be having fun on the boat, and it oddly was just...refreshing.

Not that Mitchell and Adam didn’t have their own charms...Mitch’s smiles were rare, but god when you saw them? It made you happy to know that you were able to put that kind of thing on his face. And granted, Adam was...insufferable, but he had a way to make someone laugh. Mostly due to his own damn smugness. But Nick enjoyed those rare moments where he could laugh with Adam all the same…

Wait, what was he doing?

He stopped in the middle of the hallway, shaking away the thoughts in his head. A few of the kids subsequently bumped into his legs and back since they were following him around like he was a mother hen.

It seemed like he wasn’t the only one who had picked up on that fact, though. Adam, who always seemed to just come and go as he pleased, was leaning against the wall and got up to strut around like he was a chicken. Mocking Nick, of course.

A few snickers broke out behind him too. Wonderful.

His face soured, and he mentally took back everything he had just internally monologued about Adam.

He shouldn’t really be feeling like that now of all times though. After all, he had to watch the kids who were literally just dumped onto him like it was nothing at all. Like his time wasn’t worth anything at all. Like...the kids weren’t anything at all.

…That fact still made his heart pang in some kind of melancholy way, yet he still continued on forwards.

Nick made sure to show the kids where they could get their food. And of course, since Mitchell had just randomly decided to bring them aboard, the whole crew was going to be a bit low on food and water for a while.

Which meant more missions to get supplies.

More missions where Adam and Mitch had opportunities to do something stupid.

Fantastic.

He’d have to cross that bridge when it came to it though. It was a problem for tomorrow Nick to deal with, or more likely, the thought would just haunt him while he was trying to sleep until it got to the point where he just had to make plans. The latter was usually the option that happened more often, but hey, he can’t blame himself for hoping for the first option at least.

Nick grabbed his own helping of food and portioned it so that he could save some for later. You never knew when there was going to be another food shortage, so he’d just shove it somewhere in between his mattress for a potential midnight snack. Hey, sometimes you had to get creative when hiding extra food.

Something in his gut also told him that he would probably need the snacks in order to give something to the kids when they were hungry. Kids liked snacks, right? Even if it was shitty military grade food.

Either way, the children seemed ravenous enough despite the food being poor quality at best. With them being forced to work in a factory as children, of course that came with a ravenous appetite. Hopefully they just wouldn’t eat the crew out of the boat…

He watched the scene gradually unfold before him, and let a content sigh slip past his lips. It seemed like everyone was starting to ease up after yesterday...some of the kids were even laughing! God knows that they needed that after a few years without it.

And as an added bonus, Mitchell and Adam were nowhere to be seen after that stunt from before(even if Adam could possibly show up again out of nowhere). That meant no speeches today, and a minimum of unnecessary danger.

Granted, they were probably together in a supply closet right now...but he didn’t really have the time to dwell on that.

After most of the kids seemed satisfied with their meals, he quickly noticed that some were rubbing their eyes sleepily. Ah. Of course they were tired. Food made people tired, right? Especially bigger meals. And he was pretty sure that children this young still needed the occasional nap. Especially after being forced to work in a factory for so long.

So, Nick started to slowly but surely round them all up again. Even if he got a few wary glances from the kids in return, which was more than fair. If some random guy had just taken you from your “home” and put you on a boat, wouldn’t you be worried too? Especially if the guy who saved you was nowhere to be seen.

Dwelling on that wasn’t the best idea, so he decided to make a mental checklist instead. He was pretty sure that the Avalon Vale had some extra quarters below deck for them to sleep. It was a big ship, after all. Granted, it wasn’t going to be the most comfortable place in the world, but they could make it work with blankets and pillows.

He started to push the clearly tired and grumpy children along, amused by their complaining. A few of them just seemed content to fall asleep anywhere. Hopefully the room they would be staying in was already somewhat set up while he got there.

Mitch couldn’t have left absolutely everything to Nick, right?...Right??

To say the least, he wasn’t surprised that the room was mostly barren and devoid of anything.

Maybe he was being over dramatic though. Sure, there were mattresses and some pillows and blankets(even if they were more akin to rags) but...it clearly wasn’t enough. Anybody could see that much, especially the kids who were just mostly confused by the whole experience. A few of them went to lie down immediately, but it was clear that they were expecting something much better.

Nick did say he was going to make this the best experience for them..

He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. Ok. He could do this..He just needed to come up with a plan.

And come up with a plan he did, departing up back onto the deck. He was honestly just planning to raid absolutely anywhere and everywhere for both more blankets and pillows. Yes, even the supply closets.

Well, except for one...but he was pretty sure that there were just brooms, Mitchell, and Adam in there anyways.

He went around to ask his fellow crew mates for extra supplies, and even if some looked mildly inconvenienced, they gave in anyways. Nick was basically the...third hand man after all. And he was close to Adam and Mitch.

It soon got to the point where he just ordered some of them around to bring the blankets and pillows down themselves, just so that he wouldn’t have to make multiple trips. What? Sometimes, he was allowed to abuse his power for good.

After making sure that the soldiers were actually doing their jobs, he went to his own quarters and took out almost everything he deemed unnecessarily lavish. Nick had scored a pretty intact comforter while scavenging around on a mission...but the kids definitely needed it more. It got cold at night on the sea.

He also grabbed two out of four of the extra pillows he kept on him. Having four pillows was excessive...and besides, he really only needed two to surround him sometimes. Nights just...felt better that way.

When he was sure that he was done, his bed looked almost exactly like how it was supposed to be. Standardly issued, like it was just installed on the boat. The only extra things were the three pillows he left, and a regular old blanket. Perfect.

Nick marched his way back below deck, and a smile broke out on his face once he saw that the kids were definitely doing much better with the extra supplies.

Most, if not all of them were even asleep by now! Only a small handful of the others were sitting up instead, but he could tell that they might conk out pretty soon by their tired eyes. He’d leave them alone for now, just in case they needed some kind of focus to get to sleep.

He just spread out the comforter he had on two of the kids who were curled up together and without any kind of blanket. They didn’t even stir from their slumber.

He went around and made sure that everyone had something covering them up and under their heads, before deciding to do a headcount. At this point, he had managed to gauge the number of how many of them were brought onboard the ship. Luckily for him, not a single hair seemed to be out of place either. Thank god...

He was planning on leaving the room right after that, before he felt something hook itself onto his pant leg.

Nick’s eyebrow shot up in surprise, as he swiftly turned around to face...one of the kids who was still awake. Oh.

That “something” that had grasped onto his pant leg was just her small hand.

She flinched back when he turned around so quickly, and pulled away her hand as fast as she could. That unfortunately made some sense to him given their past, so he decided to crouch down to her level, smiling as gently as possible so that she wouldn’t be too frightened.

Wordlessly, she put up her hands again. Nick just nodded, and she gripped onto his pant leg again, pulling him down more. Looks like she wasn’t too talkative...then again, most of them didn’t really seem like the talkative kind.

Despite all of the energy that the children had...speaking out of turn probably would’ve gotten them killed in that factory, wouldn’t it?

That sad fact was amplified as he decided to sit down cross legged, allowing the girl to tiredly lean against him. She clutched onto her own blanket and allowed her eyes to finally flutter shut. Nick felt fondness swell up into his chest again.

The feeling just continued to expand as more and more decided to quietly join in.

Those ones were probably the clingiest of the bunch...others hid in the dark corners of the room, allowing the blankets to swallow them up into a protective cave of sorts. But that was alright too. Not everyone was going to warm up to him immediately, after all.

Some of the kids wanted to seek any kind of comfort as quickly as possible, while others wanted to ease their way into it. Maybe some of them didn’t want to trust the crew onboard the ship, but once again, that was alright. He couldn’t really dictate their opinions or decisions now, could he?

He gently ruffled one of the boys’ hair, who hummed softly in his sleep as a response. Most of the ones who draped themselves over him had fallen asleep immediately after that. They were tired after all.

And maybe Nick was tired too. But he could find ways to manage that, if only for these kids’ sakes.

Maybe he would never find ways to manage Adam and Mitchell, but as he sat there surrounded by children who didn’t really have any hope in the future...he felt content. Like he could accept all of the insanity that happened around him, even if it was just for a moment.

Time seemed to stop like it always did on the Avalon Vale. And for once? Nick was ok with that as he allowed himself to peacefully drift off.


End file.
